Are you tired of going on coffee dates that lead nowhere?
A Letter to Every Girl Tired of the Never-Ending Coffee Dates
Let’s talk about it, sis.
You put on the cute outfit. You meet at a cute coffee shop. You smile politely through surface-level questions to get to know each other, sprinkle in a little Jesus to see how serious he takes his relationship with God, then it ends with the phrase that makes your left eye twitch:
“Let’s just see where God leads this.”
Girl. BE SERIOUS.
If you’ve ever walked away from yet another vague “date” feeling more confused than before the date, this one’s for you.
☕ The Coffee Date Chronicles: Why we are tired
1. It feels like an interview and not a connection
Sure, dating should be intentional—but grilling each other like it’s a job application? That’s not romantic. That’s exhausting. 🙃
There is a difference between being intentional and being intense. Treating dating like an interview gives “Intense.”
2. Commitment? Crickets.
Men act like commitment is a four-letter word, but saying “yes” to a date does not mean you are “official” and marriage is around the corner. Dates do not have to be this scary, high-pressure, nerve-racking experience.
3. All Surface, no depth
Conversations that don’t go deeper than small talk. I’m not sure how I am supposed to know if I have a future with you if you are not willing to dig deeper! Not being willing to dive deeper is a significant red flag.
4. lack of dtr
The awkward in-between where no one wants to define anything. It’s just sad these days, honestly. The dating culture today has to get better at driving clarity and being transparent within the relationship.
5. The ghosting era
Getting your hopes up just to get ghosted (again 🙃). Instead of ghosting, why don’t we just be honest with the other person on how we feel…
Sound familiar? Same. And you’re not crazy for wanting more.
🚩 Why “Let’s Just See Where God leads this” Isn’t Always Cute
Now don’t get me wrong—sometimes God does take time to reveal His plan for our lives.
But other times, “let’s just see” is Christian code for:
“I’m emotionally unavailable, but don’t want to say it.”
“I like the idea of you, but not the responsibility.”
“I’m scared to lead, so I’ll stall and make it sound spiritual.”
And let’s be honest—God isn’t the author of confusion (1 Cor. 14:33). So if every conversation leaves you overanalyzing screenshots with your best friend… it might not be from God. 👀
🎯 What We Actually Want (and Deserve) in dating!
Spoiler alert: wanting a relationship that is rooted in God and has direction isn’t needy or impatient—it’s called being mature and dating with intentionality. Don’t let someone make you feel otherwise.
Here’s what so many of us are praying for:
1. clarity over confusion
A man who says what he means and means what he says.
He doesn’t dance around the D-word (dating). He tells you he’s looking for something serious, and you don’t have to drag it out of him.
✨ Real-life example:
I went on a date with one guy, and at the end of the date, he said, “This was fun! We should do it again.” We went on a few more dates. Then we both had a conversation, initiated by him, about where we felt this relationship was headed.
We both determined we did not see a romantic relationship developing out of this, but we agreed to be friends. I appreciated him taking the initiative to bring clarity to our relationship without making it awkward.
2. The conversation has depth
If you’re looking for a future together, it should feel like you’re both walking toward something—marriage, growth, purpose—not just wandering.
We’re not out here trying to build a life with someone who only wants to talk about hobbies and takeout preferences. There is nothing wrong with those things, but we want someone willing to talk about values, faith, the future, and where they feel God is leading them in their life.
🛑 PSA: If you're dating for marriage (which should be the end goal for all Christians), but you’ve never talked about marriage, kids, your relationship with God, or even your expectations for the relationship…that’s a red flag.
3. Follow-Through Over Flakiness
“Let’s just see where God leads this,” or “Let’s hang out sometime soon,” isn’t it. Yes, it’s a nice thought… until it becomes a forever stall.
✨ Real-life example:
When my now-husband and I first started dating, he would occasionally check in to let me know his feelings, where he saw our relationship heading, and to see how I was feeling, too. He wanted to make sure we were on the same page.
I never once had to question where I stood with Him. For a girl who can sometimes be known to overthink and overanalyze a situation…that was a fresh breath of air and just what I needed. No guessing. No games. That kind of steady communication? Chef’s kiss. 👏
🙏 Real Talk: Yes, God Leads. But You don’t have to be in the dark
God absolutely leads relationships together. But He also gave us wisdom, discernment, and standards.
And guess what? Healthy Christian dating doesn't have to feel like spiritual roulette. If you're constantly left questioning whether he’s into you, into the idea of you, or just into the vibes, you’re allowed to want more. You shouldn’t be stuck waiting around to decode mixed messages.
Clarity isn’t unspiritual.
Boundaries aren’t a lack of trust.
Wanting something real isn’t asking for too much.
A few things to ask yourself in the process of dating someone to recognize if they are truly ready for a serious relationship, rather than just wanting to keep things casual?
What is their reputation amongst their friends and peers? Are they known for being selfless and involved in church or getting drunk at a bar on the weekend?
Do they trust God? Are they a devoted Christ follower? Or are they simply saying they are a Christian because they grew up going to church to check off the box on Sundays? Does their life reflect that they live for Christ?
💅 So What Do You Do If You’re Over It?
1. decide what you want.
Out loud. In prayer. In your journal. To your friends. Don’t lessen your desires to sound more “content” or to seem “low-maintenance.” However, be realistic with your expectations.
One way to do this is to ask God what he wants in your future spouse.
When I was dating, I had to humble myself in this area. I examined all my standards for my future husband and recognized that this person most likely does not exist.
Finding someone who resembles an Abercrombie & Fitch model, plays guitar, can sing, is athletic, loves the Lord, and is a family man might be an unrealistic expectation.
Instead of searching for the perfect guy, you should approach dating by looking for someone who has the qualities God lays out in the Bible.
What are your expectations for marriage? Are you using the Bible as a filter, or are you solely relying on culture to define this for you?
2. Stop entertaining what drains you.
You’re not obligated to stay emotionally available to someone just because they mention God once and have good hair. Don’t let “Christian potential” cloud your judgment.
If you are not sure where he stands with you or God, then the relationship is likely barely standing at all.
If he’s not ready, he’s not for you right now. Keep it moving.
3. Pray bold, specific prayers.
Ask God for someone who pursues you with purpose and is willing to be transparent in the relationship.
Ask for peace, for patience, and for the courage to walk away when it’s not God’s best for you.
4. Trust God’s timing—but also your gut.
You can be patient and still have boundaries. God honors your faith and your boundaries.
You can believe in finding love without settling for less than God’s best.
💌 Final Thoughts
Girl, if you're feeling exhausted by coffee dates that go nowhere, you're not being dramatic; you're dating with purpose and with an end goal in mind.
You were made for more than vague connection and half-hearted effort.
You deserve:
To be pursued intentionally
To be loved with clarity
To be seen, chosen, and cherished—on purpose
Purposeful dating does not have to be like an interview; it simply means you know what you are looking for and filter your date’s actions through what the Bible says a godly man should be.
Don’t apologize for wanting commitment. Don’t downplay your desire for marriage. Don’t settle! You’re not asking for too much—you just want God’s best for your life.
Want more on dating with purpose? Be sure to grab your copy of my book “Is Being Single a Gift? where we dive deeper into finding purpose in singleness, trusting God through uncertainty, and practical ways to date intentionally 💕
Let’s ditch the coffee dates that go nowhere and say yes to dating with direction.
