When Singleness Feels Like a Gag Gift
Okay, let’s be real for a second. When people say, “Singleness is a gift!”... sometimes it feels less like a present and more like socks on Christmas morning. Or worse—coal. You're standing there smiling, trying to be polite, but inside you’re wondering if there’s a gift receipt so you can exchange it for literally anything else. 😅
Sure, we’ve heard the well-meaning sermon points: “You can serve God without the added distractions a family can bring,” or “Singleness is a season of learning to be content with just you and Jesus!” And while that’s true, it doesn’t exactly help when it feels like we are being cheerily congratulated on this gift we didn’t ask for, while everyone else is living their rom-com dreams and we are just... rewatching The Notebook with takeout.
So let’s talk about it. Like, really talk about it.
Why Singleness Can Feel... Not So Gift-Like
Let’s break this down. My main issues with people telling singles this season is a gift are:
This advice often comes from people who are currently married and, therefore, do not have this “gift.” I appreciate the intention, but this phrase tends to come across like someone giving diet tips while eating a cupcake.
It sounds like a Christian consolation prize and affects how singles view this season. As if we didn’t want love, but it’s fine—we’ll just “trust God’s timing” while catching another bouquet at another wedding. It completely skips over the actual feelings that come with unwanted singleness. Such as: Loneliness, disappointment, comparison, questioning God—those are real emotions we carry in this season.
🚫 Phrases We Can Retire, Please and Thank You
If I had a dollar for every time I heard…
“It’ll happen when you least expect it.”
“Put yourself out there more!”
“You’re too picky.”
“Be content—Jesus is enough.”
“There’s plenty of fish in the sea.”
…I could buy myself the wedding dress AND the honeymoon. 🙃
Honestly, these phrases, along with the poor advice Christians receive about singleness and dating, were just a few of the reasons that inspired me to write this book.
📖 Why I Wrote A Book On Singleness?
By 25, I had…
Learned how to play 4 instruments 🎸
Traveled to 7 countries 🌍
Landed a full-time job in the music industry 🎧
Led worship for 6+ years at church and had a great community of Christian friends and mentors 🙌
Sounds like an Instagram-worthy life, right?
Except for one thing: I had never been in a relationship. Not one. Not even close. Cue my spiral down a road of: Comparison. Shame. Feeling “left behind.” Wondering if I was broken. Asking God, “Did You forget about me?”
One night in October 2020, I had a total “Dear Diary but make it dramatic” moment with God. I laid it all out. Every tear, every frustration, every “why not me?” I told Him, “I need to know what my purpose is in this season. Why have I been single my whole life?”
A few days passed, I was sitting on the couch in my little apartment in Nashville, working from home during the “Covid years”, and in the quiet, I heard: “You should write a book about singleness.”
My response: “I should what now?! I’m not exactly the poster child for grammar over here.”
But when God calls you to something, even if it feels wild… It’s hard to run from it.
And spoiler alert: I ended up writing a book about singleness while being deeply single, a bridesmaid in three weddings that year (including my younger brother’s 😩), and still learning to find God’s goodness in this season of life. God sure does have a sense of humor!
Oddly enough, those things started to not matter so much as I finally felt I had purpose in this awkward and unwanted season. I was finally able to smile and rejoice in my singleness instead of it being a burden. I became overjoyed thinking that what I have learned in this season might one day be used to encourage others.
✨ What Makes My Book Different?
Let’s be honest:
The Christian dating/singleness section in bookstores? Overflowing. And yet, so many of them come from people who got married at 22. I find it hard to take advice in this area from someone who has never experienced a long period of singleness themselves.
I didn’t want to write another “trust God, it’ll happen in His timing” book. I wanted to write the book I wish someone had handed me when I was 23.
While I do trust in God and his timing, there is much more that could be said to single people in this season. I want to express the deep emotions of a long period of singleness. Anyone walking through it knows it is not always sunshine and rainbows.
So here’s what you’ll get in my book:
A journey into the heart of a 25-year-old single woman who loves her job, strives to live a God-honoring life, and desires marriage more than anything. However, after spending her whole life single, she’s now asking God the tough questions to figure out why.
Honest conversations about self-worth, jealousy, loneliness, trust in God, and let’s not forget…dating
Deep dives into questions like “Will I ever meet my person,” or “God, you know how much I desire marriage. Why is it not happening for me?”
Encouragement that doesn’t rely on clichés or perfect endings
🫶 Who Is This For?
Girls who feel like the only one in their group chat, not wedding planning
Friends & family who want to support the single people in their lives
Church leaders who are trying to love their single community better
Anyone who's done pretending they’re “fine” and ready to ask God, “What’s your purpose for me in the midst of this painful season?”
💡 Let’s Shift the Narrative
Somewhere along the line, marriage became the “finish line” of Christian womanhood. But guess what?
You’re not second-string.
You’re life is not on pause until you get married.
Your worth isn’t on hold until you say “I do.”
When you look at scripture, you read where Paul says, If you can remain single for the kingdom, do it! And Jesus? Pretty single. Still crushed His mission. ✝️💁♀️
Let’s stop acting like life starts with marriage and start encouraging each other to live a full life now, because this season is sacred, too.
Let’s start encouraging and empowering our single friends just as Jesus did. Let’s begin to shift the narrative from “marriage equals success” to “embracing where God has you equals success.”
🎉 Final Word (a.k.a. That Pep Talk from Your Best Friend)
If you're single, hurting, confused, or just over it—I see you. More importantly, God sees you.
You’re not forgotten.
You’re not being punished.
And you are no less than those who are dating and married.
Marriage is beautiful. Singleness is too. Both are gifts, but neither is where your identity lies.
Your calling isn’t to find a husband. It’s to know God, love people, and walk boldly in the purpose He placed on your life.
And if this message hits home, girl… this book is for you.
👇👇👇
📖 Grab your copy of Is Being Single a Gift?: Trusting God While Unpacking Hard Truths on Singleness HERE!
Let’s stop waiting to live. Let’s start living while we wait. 💕
